四六级冲刺之写作大赛优秀范文赏析

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2014年6月四六级开考在即,为了帮助大家更好地掌握写作技巧,沪江部落四六级备考小组近期举行了四六级作文大赛活动,目前活动已圆满结束(点击查看活动回顾>>),我们一起来看看比赛中的优秀范文吧!

四级作文题目:

Directions: For this part, you are allowed 30 minutes to write a short essay entitled Should University Campuses Be Used as Public Parking Lots? You should write at least 120 words but no more than 180 words.
1. 目前一些大学开放校园作为公共停车场
2. 有人认为这样可以资源共享,有人认为这样会扰乱教学秩序
3. 我认为……

沪友ID:Florence_jia

范文展示:

Should University Campuses Be Used as Public Parking Lots?

In pace with the rapid growth of the economy, the amount of private cars is increasingly rising. Meanwhile, the problems of parking are also becoming more and more severe. Recently, some universities have opened their campuses as public parking lots, which has caused a heated discussion among people.
Should university campuses be used as public parking lots? Different people hold different ideas. Some argue that using university campuses as public parking lots is beneficial to improving the current parking condition by sharing resources. Yet 【yet改成Meanwhile】 others maintain that too many cars parked into the campus will break the peace of the academic environment.
As for me, I disagree with using university campuses as public parking lots. On the one hand, private cars release too much exhaust gas that exerts negative effects on the air condition and do harm to students’health. On the other hand, with too many vehicles, it is more difficult for campuses to stay 【stay改为keep】 well-ordered and safe. For instance, private cars pose a potential threat to pedestrians and cyclists on campus if drivers are careless. Therefore, to avoid trouble and danger, I strongly hold that university campuses should not be used as public parking lots.

点评:文章结构合理,只有个别现衔接和搭配不够妥当,用词句型都比较准确。 

沪友ID:qsdaren 

范文展示:

In our country, currently, some higher education institutions begin to open their campuses as public parking lots in order to add to their balance sheet, which has become a heated debate among people from all walks of our society【of our society改为of life】.

On one hand, some people tend to harbor 【hold】 the idea that it is a reasonable way to share resources, for those universities are also financially supported by taxpayers among whom some may have a hard time finding parking places in this time and age. 【among whom后面有点表达有错误,whom在从句里不是做宾语是做的主语,要用who.建议改成:among who may have a problem of finding parking lots】 On the other hand, some others argue that doing this 【doing this有点指向不明哦,建议改成:Too many cars park in campus】 may inevitably disturb and disrupt the normal orders on 【of】 campuses and do harm to the quality of our education.

To sum up, I am highly convinced that the authorities should shoulder their due responsibilities to scientifically and holistically meet the needs of both sides, such as designating a special area as the parking area and strictly checking up the drivers who need to park there. (158words)

点评:结构合理,观点明确。用词很高级哦,但是要注意细节。有拼写和语法错误的地方要注意检查。

六级作文题目:

Directions: For this part, you are allowed 30 minutes to write a short essay entitled On Dialectal TV Programs. You should write at least 150 words but no more than 200 words following the outline given below:
1. 现在电视上出现了很多方言类的节目
2. 有人对这种现象表示支持,也有人并不赞成
3. 我的看法

沪友ID:cherryic

范文展示:

On Dialectal TV Programs

Nowadays, people are more easily exposed to the TV programs and shows in dialects compared to in the past when the audience only had a limited range of choices to pick. Many reasons contribute to this phenomenon, among which it includes the technology advancement, catering to the need of different ethnic groups and the protection of local cultures.

For one thing, some advocates believe that at this moment, a variety of local cultures are facing the danger of extinction, so this could be a suitable way to improve 【improve改为arise】 people's awareness of preserving the intangible cultural heritage like our vernaculars. Nevertheless, for another thing, those who oppose it hold the argument that this might affect the promotion of mandarin whose purpose is to fill the gap caused by the usage of different local languages.

In conclusion, it is more advisable, in my opinion, to strike a balance between these two sides. The relevant departments should make more efforts to prevent those cultural treasures from expiring 【expiring改为extinction】. At the same time, there should be more guides from parents and teachers to prepare our next generation for a better understanding of subcultures.

点评:句型和语法都不错。但是对近义词的辨析有点不到位哦。

沪友ID:cty0315

范文展示:

Viewpoints on dialectal programme

To cater for different people’s taste, the television producers wrack their brains to bring forth new ideas in order to attract more and more people. Nowadays, there are some dialectal programme come on the scene .

As the most of new things appearing, it usually accompanied with the controversy. Some people are in favor of dialectal TV programme while others hold opposite opinions. As far as i'm concerned, I think it is a fabulous programme. First of all, extinction of language and culture is one of the major challenges we face today. We've been forced to speak Mandan 【应该是mandarin】 since the kindergarten. As a result, we can't speak the local dialect. It's a good way to help children and adults to pick up it again. Dialect, as the gem of Chinese culture, should be well-reserved and inherit 【过去分词不要忘哦】 to the next generation. What’s more, a lot of people work at 【at改为in更合适】 another city, which 【be动词is不能忘】 far away from his hometown, 【添加一个连接词and】 work very hard. They must be moved and happy to hear the friendly local dialect, which can make them more ambitious to realize their dream of becoming richer. Last but not least, it makes the TV programme more various. When we 【缺一个are】  bored with the gossip of stars, TV series and news, the dialectal TV programme can relax our mind and reduce stress.

All in all, dialectal TV programme is such 【这里加一个a】 brilliant idea that we should reserve it and make it better.

点评:观点明确,句型不错哦。但是要细心,很多语法错误是可以通读一遍检查出来的哦。 

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2014-05-22 : tutu
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